I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
