It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
