Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
