Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
