dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
