Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
