Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
