make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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