we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
