I'm really into asian looking animals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
