He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize