My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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