I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i drank out of a bidet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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