i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
