Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
