So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
