Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
