So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
