You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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