why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
