Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
