i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
