random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
