i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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