What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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