Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
