I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
