Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
