Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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