No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize