Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
