I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can I color on your dick again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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