bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pants are for mortals
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
