So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
