video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
