She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
