i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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