my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
