saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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