Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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