White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
