just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
