I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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