people are starting to question the shark bite story
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
