just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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