She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
