Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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