let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
