woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
