Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize