Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
