paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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