I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
