She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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