I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
