I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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