If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
