There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
