I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want her autograph on my taint
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
