Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
