i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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