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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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