Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
