I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
