Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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