I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
