He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
