We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
