watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
