he puts the penis in happiness.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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