apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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