i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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